Sisterhood? Sometimes you can't get along with everyone...

I am a volunteer. More so, I am human.

Over the years I have interacted with many different people. So of whom I became close to, and so of whom I would question using my resuscitation skills on.

That being said, I have managed to pull through and at least be civil in these situations. At a professional level and volunteer level it takes all kinds of personalities.

I currently volunteer with five other amazing Guiders. Some are part-time and some are full-time. Each have their own skill-sets, experience and of course personalities. I like to think I have the biggest personality of all!

The amazing thing is how beautifully we get along and appreciate each other! Each Guider has been honest about how much they can contribute, and follow through when they commit to an action. Everyone's ideas are valued.

Each Guider is supportive, caring, and honest. Each can share ideas and feedback because each cares about the other.

Some of the Guiders are from the same area and have been friends since primary school, others have only known others for a year. I look forward to meetings so I can see my Guiding sisters!

I am blessed with my Co-Guiders.

Passive-Aggressive Boxing Match

On-the-other-hand, I was a Cub leader for 3 years and last year moved up to Scouts with my son. My Co-Cub leaders and I developed a wonderful friendship. Unfortunately, they were staying with Cubs, but also had children moving up to Scouts.

I was asked to start a Scout troop and was very excited about it. I had seen many of my new Scouts over the summer and they had been telling me everything they wanted to do. In true Guider fashion I took notes!

Another Scouter was placed with me. She seemed very excited to. She and her partner ran a younger branch, and her partner was the Commissioner for all of our groups.

It is difficult not to attack from this point forward. It is hard not to list every detail that led to the final outcome....I will try to remain calm even though I am still very angry.

I will try to stay on point and apologize for the long post, but I need to share my story. Perhaps you can relate?

From our first meeting, it was sheer HELL.

I tried to get us to organize what the youth wanted, she was never happy. I think that the term 'youth-led' only applied to what she and her child wanted. She would not speak at meetings, just scowl at me or tear up.

Decisions as leaders were not being made. Opportunities for activities and setting camp dates were not being decided. I could never get a definitive response from her. It was October, and we needed to book camp locations.

So, I chose to make decisions. I blocked in dates for camps, events and activities and badges that the youth wanted to participate in.

I received an email that her partner, the Commissioner wanted to speak with me.

She felt like she was not being heard. She wanted to co-lead. I was told that I was not in charge.

This was not an issue for me. I am fine with shared responsibility and encourage it, but with that comes participation.

I was distressed because in order to be heard you need to speak. I was put-off that she could voice her feelings to her partner, but was silent at meetings.

I apologized to her, sincerely. I let her know that I was sorry if she felt that she had no voice and suggested that we go for tea one afternoon to work out meeting and event details. I have been in similar positions and wanted her to feel able to contribute. I wanted to make this work.

The entire year was spent in silence. Every week was uncomfortable with being scowled at. Emails to confirm outdoor meetings were left unanswered, parents were asking when things were going to happen and were frustrated that plans were always vague. I didn't know because she would not talk to me.

I kept trying to extend the olive branch and didn't make a decision, I kept asking her to get-together to organize. I even gave her a special crest as a gift for the holidays.

Nothing.

I left every meeting upset and defeated.

Hope!

Towards the end of June I was mentally finished. There had been no camps, despite the Scouts wanting to . Our camp location was booked up, as dates needed to be secured in the Fall.

The Cub unit with whom I was a part of was going to camp for five days in July. We managed to agree that we would join them.

There was twelve days notice to prepare for camp. I purchased and prepared the majority of the menu and activity items that the Scouts voted for. I even made sure that there was enough food and activity items for her other two younger kids who I was sure were going to attend, as they had been at every meeting during the year. I was sure that this camp would be our moment to come together as leaders.

I was mistaken.

The Cub pack was staying in a cabin, and the Scouts were tenting. Although, we spent a lot of time together. I think that the Cubs really enjoyed being around the older kids.

The first day of camp she had made a condescending remark to one of the Cub leaders in front of everyone, then ran off and cried in her tent the rest of the day.

This was how the camp was for days.... She would appear and then disappear. Rarely a word was spoken.

She and her children had brought their own food and cooked seperatly. This would have been fine, but annoyed me that she had not told me and we purchased food for four extra people.

Luckily, the two Cub leaders were at camp and helped me fill ratio and lighten my spirits.

The Scouts started to approach me asking why she would not talk to them? One Scout came to me almost in tears and said 'I said good morning to her and told her the hot water was ready. She would not even look at me!' Does she not like us? I assured them that she did, but to be honest I was not sure.

The last evening of camp all the Cubs and Scouts were sitting around the campfire. I noticed that the youth looked panicked.

I walked over and could over hear her on speakerphone speaking with her partner in her tent, only a yards away from the group campfire. She was saying how miserable she was and that she wanted to leave. The most hurtful part was the comments she was making about me, all within earshot of the kids. I am a big girl and can take a blow, but not only did all the kids hear this, my kid heard this.

I quickly suggested that the groups sing some campfire songs. I really wanted to confront her, but knowing my personality I was afraid it would escalate.

I knew that it would not end well, and probably should not be done in front of the youth despite my nature.

In the end, complaints were filed by myself and the two Cub leaders. Even a parent who had volunteered for camp voice their concern. It was a difficult position for her partner the Commissioner to be in.

Ultimately, she was not removed from the group. None of our youth returned to Scouts because of her presence, and the two Cub leaders and myself left Scouting.

I am still angry and disappointed. Unfortunately, social skills and maturity are not always inherent.

Not once did I receive an apology or any sort of ownership for her behavior. The worst thing is that my son, whose identity was being a Scout chose not to return because of her.

Needless to say, when I starting a new Guiding year I shared parts of this experience with my Guiders. I was fearful that resentment could build in our unit.

Preventative Medicine

I saw an announcement for the new Sisterhood Challenge from Girl Guides of Canada. I felt that having a fun dialogue about appreciation, open and honest conversations, work style, sharing responsibility and working on authentic connections was exactly the type of activity our Guiders should do. It was just the sort of preventative medicine we needed; before any issues arose.

Our Guiders completed the new Sisterhood Challenge for Guiders, and did all the challenges! Did I mention that we even received a crest just for Guiders!

We had fun learning some new things about each other and ourselves. We shared and laughed, and even sent fun inspiring songs and quotes to each other.

Our Guiders have always worked well together. Every Guider stated and agreed that our strength and rule is always keeping kindness and honesty first.

I may have had a horrible year with Scouts last year. It is one of the few times I could not resolve issues with someone else. Some relationships and interactions are toxic. I only wish that we could have worked out our issues.

You can only work out issues when both parties are willing. Fortunately, I have an amazing Guider support group. All of these women make each other feel valuable and appreciated. I look forward to seeing them every week!